The below mindfulness essay was composed for my mindfulness teacher training at the Mindfulness Training Institute. I think it does a decent job of conveying some of the concepts in an introductory way, so I decided to share it here.
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Mindfulness is…not something that is easy to define in a single sentence. But for the purposes of this paper, I will use a modified version of the definition my pod (a subgroup of my mindfulness training program) came up with during our class meetings: Mindfulness is an active awareness that facilitates a skillful navigation of the current experience.
Though its essence is one of simplicity, language can struggle to communicate the concept of mindfulness. Words, figures, pictures; they can all tell a part of the tale. But the real definition lies in an experience, in existing in the present moment, here and now.
Existing. It sounds simple enough. We all are existing, all the time. But to exist in the now, to truly rest in awareness, in acceptance, is another thing altogether. It is an experience that in the beginning requires great effort, as the hyperactivity of our mind has become a way of life for most of us, and prying our hands away from the familiar is never an easy task. Simple, but not easy. Over time the mind becomes settled, only to become hypervigilant yet again. Yet the more we practice, the more we begin to change the default, and the more we begin to rewrite the code that governs our existence.
But before we explore this further, it can be helpful to take a step back and make sure we’re all talking about the same thing. What is mindfulness?
Mindfulness Defined…Again
Let’s try this again. Rather than trying to cobble together a perfect string of words to define mindfulness, it can be helpful to examine the human condition so that we have a better context for discussion. Imposing as it may be, looking at what drives us as humans can teach us important lessons. Now this tiny essay certainly can’t begin to examine the full spectrum of the human experience, but a few select lessons can be helpful in establishing understanding.
How do humans make decisions? For most of us, we default to what is familiar, and there’s a perfectly good reason for that. The world is an incredibly complex place. At any one moment, living beings are regularly confronted with a slew of challenges, often of varying complexity depending on where you are in the evolutionary ladder. For humans, we’re tasked with not only the standard biological survival fare—needing to procure food/water, maintain shelter, attract mates—but with countless other decisions due both to our heightened intelligence as well as our innate ability to fill our lives with problems. OK the latter reason is a bit cheeky, but surely you get the point: Human lives are complicated.
Because of this, the brain is constantly seeking shortcuts in order to enable us to process the onslaught of information that we are hit with on a moment to moment basis. Many times, this makes perfect sense, and it helps us get through the day in an efficient manner. For example, if we see our neighbor wearing a coat in the morning, we might unconsciously grab our own jacket before we go outside—we’ve used a shortcut to expedite our decision process. However, these shortcuts can also be problematic.
For example, say you are waiting in a checkout line at the supermarket, and you notice that the cashier and the customer ahead of you are engaged in friendly conversation. Friendly, long-lasting, boisterous, inconsiderate-of-your-time conversation. Now, left to its own devices, the brain might start connecting all sorts of dots. Your brain might conclude that because these two individuals briefly looked back at you, that they know you’re waiting, and are choosing to take their sweet time anyway. Your brain might conclude that they think lowly of you, that you don’t deserve an efficient checkout experience. Your brain might start fighting back, registering its disgust and disappointment with these two people. How can they just ignore me like that? Your brain might remember that a friend told you the other day that your jacket made you look like a little kid. Are they thinking that I look like a little kid, that I don’t deserve prompt service? How can they can point at each other and laugh like that when people are waiting? I am so mad at them, I can’t believe they are ignoring me like this, I’m going to give them such a mean look that they are going to go home and talk to their family about how mean of a look this person at the store gave them, I’m not going to shop here in the future at this time of day, no in fact I’m not going to shop here ever again because the disrespect isn’t worth it and I can’t…fine, yes, here’s the money, I’m not going to even look you in the eye I’m so mad at you right now, yes I want my receipt…muttering to myself as I approach my car with a cart full of groceries, what a jerk why doesn’t anyone respect me gosh i just hate this town people are such
OK, I think you get the idea at this point. Maybe the above example is a bit indulgent, but I suspect that most of us have had these types of experiences at one time or another. Your mind runs away with all sorts of shaky conclusions, and you get fired up for, at the end of the day, no reason. You don’t know why those people were acting the way that they were. Maybe they were old friends who were seeing each other for the first time in a long time. Maybe the customer’s sister just passed away and she needed some conversation to get through the day. We don’t know. And so you’ve just had a plethora of unpleasant experiences about something you don’t understand and, at the end of the day, doesn’t really concern you.
Mindfulness is seeing those thoughts arise, labeling them for what they are—thoughts—and making the conscious choice to act with intention and purpose. Until, at some point, it becomes unconscious. Sort of.
Happy When It Rains
Why do our minds incline toward the negative when life would be so much more pleasant if we framed things in the positive? It’s true that some people only seem to experience pleasure when bad things happen, those who are only “happy when it rains.” But when did rain, giver of life to earth animals and people alike, get mixed up and identified as “bad” in the first place?
One of my favorite books ever, and the first one that got me interested in the concept of mindfulness, is a book called Way of the Peaceful Warrior. The author Dan Millman used some concepts that I take with me to this day, and one of them was about rain. He pointed out that rain in itself is not bad; it’s how we react to it that makes it good or bad. We’ve seen people unhappy at wedding celebrations; we’ve seen people singing in the rain after having their picnic ruined by the weather—these are not anomalies, they are conscious choices about how to relate to a given experience.
You simply *must* try this sometime. Next time you’re in an unpleasant situation, try to think about what it would be like to not let that situation influence how you feel. What if you just decided that you weren’t going to let changing circumstances bother you, but that instead you’ll try to find something you enjoy about it? What happens?
Now for most of us, this isn’t something that just changes because we want it to change. We need to appreciate that we’ve all experienced a full lifetime of conditioning about how to respond to various stimuli. At this point—and this is another expression I’m borrowing from Millman—it’s almost like we’re seeing the world through a veil of associations. That childlife innocence and wonder that we bring with us when we enter the world is gone, replaced by cold hard conditioning. The secret here is that the childlike wonder still exists within each of us—we just have to work to bring it back out.
Because of this, you might not succeed with your first attempts to “see the bright side” of a dreary situation. But continue trying and you will change your view, because change is the law of life. And if you want to have success sooner rather than later, then read up on mindfulness. Because at some point, you’re going to find out that you can actively choose how to react to every situation, and that choice is the sweetest nectar you can imagine in this world. Because singing in the rain is much better than pouting in the rain.
The Dude—and Dudett—Abides
The above scenarios discuss some of the ways that we tend to let our minds run wild, and how that can lead to unhappiness. By letting our brains regularly choose shortcuts, it’s easy to become trapped in our reactions, trapped in the endless cycle of desire that above all else seeks to exist in any place other than the present moment.
Wait, what the heck is this guy talking about?
OK, so let me explain and connect some dots. When we choose to let our mind run wild—in other words, when we choose the standard way of thinking that most people over the course of history have fallen victim to at one time or another—we are abandoning our agency in the present moment. We are instead letting the mind make connections all over the place, and just accepting those shortcuts as the way that things are. We’re taking what we’re given and not asking questions.
By succumbing to these unconscious shortcuts, we are surrendering to our brain, we are saying “I don’t have the time or energy to fully consider the present situation, so please, do it for me.” As we discussed earlier, there is a time and place for shortcuts, and they absolutely have value. Thank goodness we don’t have to learn to ride a bike each time we place our feet on the pedals! But when we give into the habit of letting everything be guided by these shortcuts, then we get in trouble. Then we have those unpleasant thoughts arise, then we suffer. The more we surrender to these inclinations, the more they become the habit. A very wise man once said we become the inclinations of the mind, and it’s true. We become that person who gets angry with the grocery store clerk, we identify with that person, we define ourselves as that person. Now, when asked, most people wouldn’t describe themselves as the type of person who gets mad at a store clerk without fully considering the situation. But just because we choose more positive words to describe ourselves, doesn’t make the facts any less true—the more you engage in a type of behavior or reaction, the more you become that type of person.
Conversely, we can abide in awareness of the present moment unfolding, and free ourselves from reactivity. This is the best possible result, as we’ve allowed ourselves to exist without preconceptions, without craving for one thing or aversion toward something else. There’s a purity in this state of being that’s hard to describe, and once you get there you won’t want to go back.
Simple, but not easy.
So, in sum: Don’t succumb to your reactions, instead exist in the present moment, and then peace and love and good happiness stuff will follow. Bada bing bada boom, right?
If only that were the case, but sadly there is a lifetime of conditioning to overcome. Perhaps you’ve heard the expression, “you get what you pay for”? The idea, the concept of simply existing in the present moment, is mind-bogglingly simple, but it can be extremely difficult to do it. The good news is that it’s possible, that there are scores of people all around the world who all strive to live in this way. And you can learn from them, and you can practice; if you do these two things then you will undoubtedly get better. It’s worth it.
Practicing mindfulness is like practicing anything else in your life, be it playing guitar, learning a sport, or developing a new career skill. It will be particularly difficult in the beginning, and doubt will creep in during your struggles. This should not discourage the practice, but it is something that you can be mindful of as you practice. Think of strengthening your mind just like strengthening your biceps—if you want them to be strong, you need to work them out. In the words of Arnold Schwartzeneggar, think reps, reps, reps. You need to start small with something manageable, and celebrate progress as you make it. You need to eat right and live right. And you need to put in the time.
As your practice grows, it can be tempting to become frustrated at failures, at times when mindfulness was not present. It doesn’t make sense to curse your muscles for not being bigger in the early stages of your training; likewise it doesn’t make sense to admonish yourself for failures to be mindful, as you start recognizing what is and isn’t mindful in daily life. In fact, a better approach is to celebrate the noticing of failures to be mindful, as each time you notice, you grow and become more aware, and more present. A hearty thank you to Joseph Goldstein, who has provided the outstanding advice of framing this as “noticings-per-minute,” a structure that allows you to feel better when you notice these failures, as you increase your npm, versus feeling upset with yourself.
You will continue to “screw up.” You’re not going to fix a lifetime of conditioning in one weekend; you very likely won’t “fix” it during your entire life. But you’ll start to notice things. You’ll start to notice how you react to situations, and you’ll start to question if there isn’t a better way to view things. And then you’ll fail again. And fail some more. But you’ll also start to notice more. And that’s the key. Noticing. Because once we notice, then we see the light at the end of the tunnel, we know where we want to be, and we can keep taking steps on that path. Most of us never even know that we’re in a tunnel, let alone see the light at the end of it. Think of how amazing it is that you can exist in the present moment in whatever capacity you desire, that you can choose how you truly live your life.
If this essay ended up sounding instructive, that’s because that *is* what mindfulness is all about—practice. Mindfulness is practicing, failing, noticing your failure, and getting back up again. It’s only through practice that we can truly begin to understand what it means to live a mindful life.
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This essay is only meant to be an introduction to this topic. You might have noticed that I recommend the noticing practice during your day, but that I didn’t discuss much else about how else you might hone your ability to be mindful. That’s where the other big M word comes in, meditation. Meditation has many benefits, but a key one is that it strengthens your mind’s ability to notice when you are and are not being mindful…which helps put you back in control of how you experience the world around you. It’s a critical part of training your mind—you can view it as the time you might spend lifting weights to train/strengthen your muscles—and it really doesn’t have to be as scary and intense as many people fear it to be. Meditation can be tailored to each person’s abilities and interests. But that’s another conversation, so for now, I’ll leave that alone. In the future I will write more about meditative practices and link to them here, but if you’d like to explore some on your own in the meantime, I’d like to recommend a free online eight-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program, Palouse Mindfulness. It doesn’t have all the bells and whistles of some programs (which usually cost hundreds of dollars), but it’s got a lot of great information organized in a logical way. It’s accessible for the newcomer and lays everything out week to week, with a specific guided meditation for most weeks along with supportive videos and articles. I’ve gone through it myself and recommend it for those interested in getting their feet wet. Give it a try! There’s no obligation, and really, there’s nothing to lose.