Continuing Your Mindfulness Practice

I recently finished teaching my first mindfulness meditation course. While it was a lot of work, I truly enjoyed sharing the crucial knowledge of being present and mindful with my first cohort. More than anything, I can’t overstate the feeling of appreciation and joy for my student’s efforts as I heard them speak about their experience. It was so rewarding, in fact, that I intend to continue periodically teaching the course in the future. 

For all of us who have studied and benefitted from mindfulness in one form or another, we must adopt ways to sustain our newfound habits in order to maximize the good that comes out of the knowledge we’ve gained. To that end, I’ve written some suggestions for continuing our practice below.

• Observe a daily meditation practice. Just as we must train the body to strengthen our muscles and endurance, so too must we dedicate time to training the mind to strengthen our attention and presence. Set aside a part of the day to meditate. Ideally you would sit for at least 10-15 minutes, but if you can’t manage that length, then sitting for any period of time is helpful. Remember it is much more important to practice each day, even for smaller amounts of time, than it is to have the occasional “big” sit. If you’re struggling to find the time, consider creating a standard, such as sitting when you first wake up or before you go to sleep. Making a habit of meditating can help reduce the excuses we otherwise might use to avoid putting in the time. 
• Enjoy short moments of mindfulness throughout the day. Take time to STOP (Stop, Take a breath, Observe, Proceed) each day and be aware of the present moment. This can be done while walking the dog, washing your hands, clearing a counter, preparing food, eating food, watching birds, working out, etc. It doesn’t have to be during the entire activity; even selecting a particular aspect of an activity—eating a specific part of the meal, or doing a specific exercise during a workout—can be invaluable in establishing the standard of being mindful. You can tune into your own bodily sensations, your breath, sounds in the environment, or you could simply recite loving kindness mantras (directing the following phrases to yourself or others: may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe, and may you live with ease) during this time. 
• Have patience with your practice. Don’t lose faith just because you didn’t completely “get better” after a week of meditation. Let me share something my therapist said to me: “Look, Jon, you’re not, like, changing a sweater. You’re trying to change habits that you have literally been building up for decades. DECADES. And on top of that, your ego has built your identity around those habits, and these tendencies feel like who you are—and because of that, your ego will defend them to the last.” Many of our harmful conditioned reactions are ingrained beliefs, and it takes time, work, and patience to move past them. 
• Celebrate the little victories. Yes, during your day you’ll constantly notice your mind distracted, you’ll notice that you’ve reacted less than skillfully, you’ll notice that you gave in to your prior bad habits. But make sure to celebrate the noticing itself, as that is a monumental step in itself. And yes, during your meditations your mind will wander, you’ll become restless or sleepy or annoyed, you’ll struggle with daily or even weekly practice. But make sure to celebrate when you do dedicate the time to meditate! These acknowledgements of your intentions and efforts are crucial steps in maintaining daily awareness, and they should be recognized as the victories that they are. 
• Remember you’re not trying to “get rid” of a specific state, or to attain a specific state. Instead, simply be present. This is where the acceptance comes in. I’ve written on the importance of “noticing” our tendencies, of identifying our patterns of reactivity so that we might be able to make wiser choices in the future. But noticing alone is not quite enough; your next challenge is to then learn to accept what is happening. These two components go hand-in-hand and are vital to adopting wiser, more skillful responses. We are human—we will have negative thoughts, we will have judgmental thoughts, and our busy minds will wander. These mind states are normal, and there’s no need to try to banish them. Simply noting, labeling, accepting, and moving on is the key. 
• Remember the reward! Lest we be discouraged by the daunting task in front of us, it can help to remember what’s at stake. This isn’t about simply being able to lift more weight or look fit in a swimsuit—physical goals that we’re all too willing to sacrifice time and effort to achieve—this is about developing the capacity to be present in everyday moments, something that affects the decisions you make, the relationships you build, and really, just about every moment of your life. The reward is freedom from harmful conditioned reactivity. The reward is the reduction of suffering, both of your own and those around you. The reward is taking back agency over your life. 
• Remember that you can always begin again, no matter how lost you get. We’re all going to have setbacks, but you needn’t become disappointed or frustrated by them. During the final minute of his meditations, Sam Harris will often gently remind you that though your mind may have been wandering all over the place, that it’s ok, it’s normal, and all you need to do is just bring your attention back to your breath for that last minute. We all fall. Life is about getting back up with kind compassion, and recognizing that your struggle is only the fault of the human condition, one that we all share.  
• Consider participating in an opportunity for extended practice. Investigate in-person insight meditation retreats. There are many options out there, from single days to several days to several weeks or even months, depending on your level of experience and comfort level. I attended my first 4-day silent retreat without having a daily practice and though it was a bit daunting at first, I count it as one of the top five most important events in my life. Some practitioners say it takes three days of being in that sort of silent environment for the mind to actually calm down, and as terrifying as it is to say that, since I’m sure the prospect of multiple days of silence are scary to many of us, it’s actually pretty true. It does take a period of sustained attention to allow your mind to truly settle. And for those of you who are terrified at the prospect, know that you can actually experience great relief at not having to blabb all the time! If you don’t have any retreats in your area—you can typically find them by typing in cities in your area followed by “insight meditation retreat”—then I’d recommend looking at Spirit Rock or Insight Meditation Society. 
• Find a group of like-minded people to practice with. It’s really helpful to find other people that you can relate to. Otherwise, it’s easy to feel isolated as the majority of society plods forward seemingly without a care in the world. If you’ve completed or signed up for my mindfulness course, know that in the future I’ll be offering a monthly virtual sangha (this is a fancy word for meditation group) where all graduates are welcome, and I’d love to see you join. All that said, it’s ok if you prefer to practice solo—I do that mostly myself! But find time to at least occasionally connect with others in this space. It’s important. 
• Stay inspired to help support your practice. Similarly, find whatever or whoever inspires you, whether it be talks or videos or guided meditations, and follow them. You might follow Sam Harris if the intellectual approach tickles your fancy. You might follow some prominent teachers in the field, like Gil Fronsdal, Sharon Salzberg, Joseph Goldstein, or Ruth King. You might follow some less prominent teachers, like me, or whoever else you find in your interest areas. You might join a local sangha. You might download an app like 10% Happier and follow that course (or, to again reference Harris, his free-if-you-can’t-afford-it Waking Up app). Just find your jam and dig in.
• Believe in yourself. Wherever you’re at in your life, that’s where you are. There’s no need to look at the experts who seem to meditate so effortlessly and then feel bad about your own level of ability. They have their life, you have yours, and until you accept that reality, you’re dooming yourself to a lifetime of feeling bad about yourself and giving up. And this is just way too important to give up. This isn’t learning to juggle or play golf; this is learning to be present in the moment, every moment. This is about the embodiment of who you are and want to be in life. It’s worth the effort. You can do this.